WOW time has flown by! Little Nixxon is 7 months old now. Basically she is super stinkin cute, spoiled, and smart. She has been crawling for over a month now. She is figuring out how to crawl up to things and to pull herself up and stand. This makes me super sad to see her grow up too fast. The doctor is super impressed with how advanced she is. I am pretty sure I will have a little walking baby by Christmas.
As for her "dad" ( if you even can call him that) Has moved like 3 hours away to college. I thought that would be awesome and I wouldnt see him anymore but NO. He texts me the stupidest texts like once or twice a month. Like " Hey is this Myranda?" or "Hey" or " I know its late but if you could just call me or text me when you get a minute that would be great lol". Honestly why on this green earth would I even want to text him. I want NOTHING to do with him. He may be the "father" of my baby but just because he helped make the baby does not give him a right to be with her. I can find a guy who will love her because he just does and doesnt have to.
Speaking of such. I started to date a really nice kid. We got along great and had a lot of fun together. We spent 3-4 months together and I loved every minute of it. He acted like he could have been Nixxons real dad. He was only Sr. in high school too so I was super impressed of how he acted with the both of us. Most Sr.'s are pretty freaked out by girls who have babies but he never let that get in the way. Just about a week ago we decided to end things. We ended it all on good terms and we are still good friends. He wanted to get ready to serve a church mission as soon as he graduates. I understood why he thought we should end things and respect his choice. Some days are harder than others but we both figure if we are meant to be then things will work out when he gets back if not there is someone else out there for us so we will be okay.
I also am working a part time job to help with the bills and such. I am also starting a nursing program here soon to get my foot into the medical field. It does suck to be away from my baby so much but I know I am doing it all for good reasons and will help in the long run.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Friday, September 14, 2012
Chapter 11:Welcome to the World Baby Girl!
I got into my room and it was a nice room. I had no idea anything that was going to happen other than the fact that I was going to be pushing a baby out of me in the next while. They put a monitor on my stomach, just to make sure this wasn't a false labor. Well, It wasn't, it was legit. They then put an IV into my wrist, like on the side which hurt like a son of a gun! Then we just kinda chilled for a little while.
My mom and dad had been there from the get go. Then a few hours later my sisters showed up at about 4 am. Then my Grandma showed up at like 5 am. My contractions didn't really hurt that bad, and by about 5 am I had dilated to like a 9 so I was going pretty fast for a first timer. My contractions got a little worse but I could handle it, they just were so close that I didn't have recovery time between them, but then the nurses came in and said that I was going so fast that if I wanted an epidural that I needed to get it then or I might not have a chance to. This was pretty much the only part of the whole labor that I actually cried. I was petrified of this large needle and tube going into my back. My mom sat with me and calmed me down. My sisters wanted to stay and see, but I knew this would scar them for life if they had to witness that large of a needle into me, so I wouldn't let them.
When the anesthesiologist came, I did know him and I told him how freaked out I was about this. I think he could see how scared I was because I was still shaking so bad. And those shakes hurt pretty bad they were so violent. Any who, he said he would be as gentle as he could and would walk me through the whole thing. He numbed the skin, which wasn't bad at all then suddenly he was done. I felt the tube go in my back but it didn't hurt at all I was totally shocked. To me a flu shot hurt worse than an epidural did.
Right after my epidural, my shaking stopped...well at least on the lower half of me, my arms still shook a little but that helped me to calm down and rest a little. The feeling of not feeling my legs was soooo weird. But I couldn't feel any pain so it was nice.
The nurses kept coming in and checking me. I was going super fast. By about 7 am I had fully dilated. They said they would call the doctor and get him there. They came back in and said that he would be there within the hour. I waited and umm waited and you know waited a little more. It was like 9 before he got there. He came in and checked me out and was like oh your water hasn't broke we will wait for it to naturally break. So we waited..and waited and it like sorta broke but not very much. Then suddenly I had a lot of pressure and felt like I needed to push, we got the nurses and doctor in there, They said I was super close they just needed to break my water, so they did and it wasn't bad at all. Then they prepped everything and explain how this whole birthing thing was going to go on.
The doctor got going and said oh good we will have this baby here within the hour. I was so excited. But he lied it took almost 2 hours to get my baby here. First off her poor little head kept getting stuck on my pelvic bone and I kept passing out a little so I had to be put on oxygen after each contraction. The doctor had been with me so long that he decided to take a break and leave for a minute but I kept pushing. The second he walked back into the door he just yelled "STOP!" ha I could feel the baby like 3 seconds away from being here so I was not stoping! He barely made it to the bed just to catch her. He didn't even have time to put his gloves on.
Before I had time to comprehend that I just gave birth they handed her to me. She looked just as I expected but completely different all at the same time. She was beautiful. I cried the second they put her in my arms. I had never been in so much love. They took her over to check her out and they asked me about her name. I had 3 names on my list Autrie, Hudson, and Nixxon. I knew her name had to be Nixxon when I saw her. She was as unique as her name.
She was healthy and perfect the only thing wrong was that she weighed a lot more than he had expected.. Nixxon was 6.7 Ibs, 19.75 inches long...which he was positive that she would be just above 5 Ibs and tiny... NOPE my baby was a big baby for my family. All my sisters and myself were tiny. I was 5.6my sister was 5.4 and my youngest was 5.2. Now I am 4'10 and normally like 83 Ibs so that big of a baby for me blew every one away.
My family loved Nixxon from the start she was defiantly going to be spoiled from the minute they saw her :)
My mom and dad had been there from the get go. Then a few hours later my sisters showed up at about 4 am. Then my Grandma showed up at like 5 am. My contractions didn't really hurt that bad, and by about 5 am I had dilated to like a 9 so I was going pretty fast for a first timer. My contractions got a little worse but I could handle it, they just were so close that I didn't have recovery time between them, but then the nurses came in and said that I was going so fast that if I wanted an epidural that I needed to get it then or I might not have a chance to. This was pretty much the only part of the whole labor that I actually cried. I was petrified of this large needle and tube going into my back. My mom sat with me and calmed me down. My sisters wanted to stay and see, but I knew this would scar them for life if they had to witness that large of a needle into me, so I wouldn't let them.
When the anesthesiologist came, I did know him and I told him how freaked out I was about this. I think he could see how scared I was because I was still shaking so bad. And those shakes hurt pretty bad they were so violent. Any who, he said he would be as gentle as he could and would walk me through the whole thing. He numbed the skin, which wasn't bad at all then suddenly he was done. I felt the tube go in my back but it didn't hurt at all I was totally shocked. To me a flu shot hurt worse than an epidural did.
Right after my epidural, my shaking stopped...well at least on the lower half of me, my arms still shook a little but that helped me to calm down and rest a little. The feeling of not feeling my legs was soooo weird. But I couldn't feel any pain so it was nice.
The nurses kept coming in and checking me. I was going super fast. By about 7 am I had fully dilated. They said they would call the doctor and get him there. They came back in and said that he would be there within the hour. I waited and umm waited and you know waited a little more. It was like 9 before he got there. He came in and checked me out and was like oh your water hasn't broke we will wait for it to naturally break. So we waited..and waited and it like sorta broke but not very much. Then suddenly I had a lot of pressure and felt like I needed to push, we got the nurses and doctor in there, They said I was super close they just needed to break my water, so they did and it wasn't bad at all. Then they prepped everything and explain how this whole birthing thing was going to go on.
The doctor got going and said oh good we will have this baby here within the hour. I was so excited. But he lied it took almost 2 hours to get my baby here. First off her poor little head kept getting stuck on my pelvic bone and I kept passing out a little so I had to be put on oxygen after each contraction. The doctor had been with me so long that he decided to take a break and leave for a minute but I kept pushing. The second he walked back into the door he just yelled "STOP!" ha I could feel the baby like 3 seconds away from being here so I was not stoping! He barely made it to the bed just to catch her. He didn't even have time to put his gloves on.
Before I had time to comprehend that I just gave birth they handed her to me. She looked just as I expected but completely different all at the same time. She was beautiful. I cried the second they put her in my arms. I had never been in so much love. They took her over to check her out and they asked me about her name. I had 3 names on my list Autrie, Hudson, and Nixxon. I knew her name had to be Nixxon when I saw her. She was as unique as her name.
She was healthy and perfect the only thing wrong was that she weighed a lot more than he had expected.. Nixxon was 6.7 Ibs, 19.75 inches long...which he was positive that she would be just above 5 Ibs and tiny... NOPE my baby was a big baby for my family. All my sisters and myself were tiny. I was 5.6my sister was 5.4 and my youngest was 5.2. Now I am 4'10 and normally like 83 Ibs so that big of a baby for me blew every one away.
My family loved Nixxon from the start she was defiantly going to be spoiled from the minute they saw her :)
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Chapter 10 Someone is on their way :)
It finally got down to that last week of the pregnancy. I was due March 26 2012, and that whole week I thought EVERY little pain was a labor pain. I would start timing every time something small happened just to see if it was a contraction, but it never really was anything.
On March 24 I went to watch my sister play in a softball tourney. Since I live in a very small down, everyone knows everyone, and knows everything about everyone. Everyone kept saying things like aren't you due today? I had to keep telling them nope I have 2 more days... or there was the whole "still no baby?" I was honestly about ready so answer someone by saying "oh ya she came last night but I am just playing kangaroo and keeping her in my pouch" I was a little on edge.
Then one of my moms good friends kept teasing me that when your face swells that is when you know the baby is coming. Just to add to it she kept telling me that my lips looked huge (they did in fact) I thought she would for sure be coming in about a week.
After the games I was able to just go home and rest. The whole rest of the night I felt sick. I was sure is was just from being in the sun all day long, and not drinking enough water. I went to bed about 9 p.m. At about 11:30 p.m. I felt a really weird pain in my hips, and was pretty sure it was just my ligaments being pulled by the way I was sleeping. So I got up and walked around and went to the bathroom. For some odd reason I looked in the toilet before I peed (weird I know ) but I seen a weird looking thing floating and thought Oh my gosh is that my plug, then figured it wasnt then just tried to go back to sleep, but the pain just wouldnt go away. So I thought I better go to a hospital. I walked into my parents room and quietly said "mom, dad" but they never heard me, so I grabbed my moms foot and said mom a little louder. She sat up and asked what was wrong. I told her I was in pain but didnt know if i was in labor or not. My dad shot straight out of bed and kinda panicked a little we started to time the pains and they were about 7 minutes apart so my mom said to hurry and get cleaned up a little and I was ready to go to the hospital because my contractions were so close together. When she said that I got soo freaked out that I was shaking so bad I looked like I was having a seizure but it was just because I was probably having a small panic attack.
We live like 3 blocks from the hospital so I got there super quick. We walked into the ER and they asked what was wrong and my mom answered "I think we are going to have a baby" then they put me in a wheelchair and wheeled me down to room 32 Labor and delivery. Here it went :)
On March 24 I went to watch my sister play in a softball tourney. Since I live in a very small down, everyone knows everyone, and knows everything about everyone. Everyone kept saying things like aren't you due today? I had to keep telling them nope I have 2 more days... or there was the whole "still no baby?" I was honestly about ready so answer someone by saying "oh ya she came last night but I am just playing kangaroo and keeping her in my pouch" I was a little on edge.
Then one of my moms good friends kept teasing me that when your face swells that is when you know the baby is coming. Just to add to it she kept telling me that my lips looked huge (they did in fact) I thought she would for sure be coming in about a week.
After the games I was able to just go home and rest. The whole rest of the night I felt sick. I was sure is was just from being in the sun all day long, and not drinking enough water. I went to bed about 9 p.m. At about 11:30 p.m. I felt a really weird pain in my hips, and was pretty sure it was just my ligaments being pulled by the way I was sleeping. So I got up and walked around and went to the bathroom. For some odd reason I looked in the toilet before I peed (weird I know ) but I seen a weird looking thing floating and thought Oh my gosh is that my plug, then figured it wasnt then just tried to go back to sleep, but the pain just wouldnt go away. So I thought I better go to a hospital. I walked into my parents room and quietly said "mom, dad" but they never heard me, so I grabbed my moms foot and said mom a little louder. She sat up and asked what was wrong. I told her I was in pain but didnt know if i was in labor or not. My dad shot straight out of bed and kinda panicked a little we started to time the pains and they were about 7 minutes apart so my mom said to hurry and get cleaned up a little and I was ready to go to the hospital because my contractions were so close together. When she said that I got soo freaked out that I was shaking so bad I looked like I was having a seizure but it was just because I was probably having a small panic attack.
We live like 3 blocks from the hospital so I got there super quick. We walked into the ER and they asked what was wrong and my mom answered "I think we are going to have a baby" then they put me in a wheelchair and wheeled me down to room 32 Labor and delivery. Here it went :)
Chapter 9 the countdown begins!
Since my Baby Girl was due in March I had a few months on my hands just to rest and get ready for this bundle of joy. I was too pregnant to get a job, so I volunteered at a local kindergarten class, and pretty much sat home all day long. Some days I cleaned the house, or just slept. I mostly slept because being that pregnant sucks the life out of you!
Soon the weeks started to count down, then the weeks, then the days. Me being super freaked out by needles or pain of any kind the thought of labor put me into tears and a small panic attack. I would watch MTV's show 16 and Pregnant , because ha these were girls I could sorta relate to so I watched it , but when it got to the whole labor part of the show...I started to cry I got so freaked out! I figured that I was such a baby myself how was I going to bring one into this world. Those last few weeks before I was due I was so panicked. Like two weeks before I was due I went to the doctors and ha I was dilated to a 3...hearing that made this whole thing a reality!
I had always pictured my whole pregnancy with a loving husband by my side the whole time, both of us getting excited about our new baby coming into this world, him calming my fear of all aspects of labor. Instead I had my mom by my side the whole time, which was probably just as good since she had been through having 3 kids. I am so grateful for my mom helping me out through out the whole pregnancy and now we were getting ready for the labor..the end of the pregnancy.
Soon the weeks started to count down, then the weeks, then the days. Me being super freaked out by needles or pain of any kind the thought of labor put me into tears and a small panic attack. I would watch MTV's show 16 and Pregnant , because ha these were girls I could sorta relate to so I watched it , but when it got to the whole labor part of the show...I started to cry I got so freaked out! I figured that I was such a baby myself how was I going to bring one into this world. Those last few weeks before I was due I was so panicked. Like two weeks before I was due I went to the doctors and ha I was dilated to a 3...hearing that made this whole thing a reality!
I had always pictured my whole pregnancy with a loving husband by my side the whole time, both of us getting excited about our new baby coming into this world, him calming my fear of all aspects of labor. Instead I had my mom by my side the whole time, which was probably just as good since she had been through having 3 kids. I am so grateful for my mom helping me out through out the whole pregnancy and now we were getting ready for the labor..the end of the pregnancy.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Chapter 8 All done
Wow its been a long time. Life gets crazyy! Anyway after my Sr. Ball, Christmas rolled around. It was nice to be away from school and everyone. I was really starting to show how pregnant I was, and walking around with a basket ball belly is really hard to do when your in a school full of skinny girls, it did not help my already pretty low self esteem. I got a few baby things for Christmas, it got me super excited for the baby to get here.
When I would get back to school I only had two weeks until I was scheduled to graduate a semester early. I had to take some online classes to get all my credits in on time. It was hard to graduate early, not just because the extra classes, but when I was gone I was pretty much gone. I knew my friends would slowly forget I was around, I would be home all day with nothing to do, and I wasnt ready to just be done. Ya, I was sick of the classes, and the drama, but being done with high school is a big thing and when you dont have more schooling right after to look forward to, it is hard.
Those two weeks flew by. Before I knew it, my teachers were signing me out of their classes, and I was saying good bye. I stalled it out as long as I could. After a few hours of checking out, of classes, I was walking into the office to really check out. I couldnt believe I was going to be done. I gave them my paper and all they said was we will let you know about graduation in a few months. Then all I had to do was walk out the doors. As I walked out of the doors all I could do was start to cry. I cried all the way to my car. I went to go visit my mom at her school and as I was driving there I past a cop car, I had been Career experiencing at the police station, and I LOVED it, so seeing that made me cry even more.
Being done with High school was a good thing and a hard thing to do. I was now a 17 year old High School graduate, with no job, very few friends, and now a whole lot of time to prepare for this little girl soon on her way.
When I would get back to school I only had two weeks until I was scheduled to graduate a semester early. I had to take some online classes to get all my credits in on time. It was hard to graduate early, not just because the extra classes, but when I was gone I was pretty much gone. I knew my friends would slowly forget I was around, I would be home all day with nothing to do, and I wasnt ready to just be done. Ya, I was sick of the classes, and the drama, but being done with high school is a big thing and when you dont have more schooling right after to look forward to, it is hard.
Those two weeks flew by. Before I knew it, my teachers were signing me out of their classes, and I was saying good bye. I stalled it out as long as I could. After a few hours of checking out, of classes, I was walking into the office to really check out. I couldnt believe I was going to be done. I gave them my paper and all they said was we will let you know about graduation in a few months. Then all I had to do was walk out the doors. As I walked out of the doors all I could do was start to cry. I cried all the way to my car. I went to go visit my mom at her school and as I was driving there I past a cop car, I had been Career experiencing at the police station, and I LOVED it, so seeing that made me cry even more.
Being done with High school was a good thing and a hard thing to do. I was now a 17 year old High School graduate, with no job, very few friends, and now a whole lot of time to prepare for this little girl soon on her way.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Chapter 7 Things have to end sometime..
December rolled around and it was time for the Sr ball. I could only dream I would be asked to it, but.....I didnt, which is fine I get it, it would be pretty weird going with 6 month pregnant girl. As a class officer I had to help plan it. So no matter what I had to be a small part of it no matter what. During the practices I decided I would just be the one to start and stop the music. I was sitting in the corner all by my self watching all my friends and Joe mess around and have fun. If that wasnt hard enough, I just happen to look up randomly and I see Joe and his friends looking at me, sticking their stomachs out and making faces at me. I went to the Vice principals office after and tried to talk about it since it was harassment and I had already put up with enough crap from him that this was not even needed or mature on any level, plus I didnt want to go to school anymore it was horrible! I never really felt unwelcome there until that day.
The vice principal called Joe in the next day and talked to him then talked to me. He said that Joe said he wasnt really doing that, they were making fun of each other and Joe felt really bad for me and I was probably just over emotional and was looking for it more than it was there....I didnt even know what to say. I knew the vice principal took his side because Joe was a X-country star, wrestling star, and a track star, of course he could not put a black mark on his record. After that I felt like not even the school was on my side, or wanted to make me feel welcome. At that point I couldnt wait to get out of there and not have to deal with this immature drama that I really did not need to deal with.
Senior ball day came around...I went to my yoga class, came home, sat around, went to a dinner party with my parents then came home and got ready. Luck for me I could get ready super fast and I actually looked really cute! I had a semiformal dress and my cute little baby bump. I got there and took a few pics with friends and then waited for the floor show to start. As all my friends started to be announced I could help my self but to cry a little. I didnt let anyone see, but it was hard seeing all these skinny girls look like princesses and me lookin like I ate too many donuts that day. The hardest was seeing Joe come out acting like he was Gods gift to man. Once again Im sittin on the side lines with his child as he gets to live out something I had waited for forever.
Then came the parent dance, my dad was nice enough to dance with me. Then the next song started and my ex boyfriend Shaun asked for a dance, he told me I looked beautiful and teased me about my baby bump getting in the way. He had been a great friend the whole time, and this made my night. Then his mom came and gave me a hug and told me I looked beautiful and missed me. It ment so much to me. I took a few more pictures then went home and went to bed.
The vice principal called Joe in the next day and talked to him then talked to me. He said that Joe said he wasnt really doing that, they were making fun of each other and Joe felt really bad for me and I was probably just over emotional and was looking for it more than it was there....I didnt even know what to say. I knew the vice principal took his side because Joe was a X-country star, wrestling star, and a track star, of course he could not put a black mark on his record. After that I felt like not even the school was on my side, or wanted to make me feel welcome. At that point I couldnt wait to get out of there and not have to deal with this immature drama that I really did not need to deal with.
Senior ball day came around...I went to my yoga class, came home, sat around, went to a dinner party with my parents then came home and got ready. Luck for me I could get ready super fast and I actually looked really cute! I had a semiformal dress and my cute little baby bump. I got there and took a few pics with friends and then waited for the floor show to start. As all my friends started to be announced I could help my self but to cry a little. I didnt let anyone see, but it was hard seeing all these skinny girls look like princesses and me lookin like I ate too many donuts that day. The hardest was seeing Joe come out acting like he was Gods gift to man. Once again Im sittin on the side lines with his child as he gets to live out something I had waited for forever.
Then came the parent dance, my dad was nice enough to dance with me. Then the next song started and my ex boyfriend Shaun asked for a dance, he told me I looked beautiful and teased me about my baby bump getting in the way. He had been a great friend the whole time, and this made my night. Then his mom came and gave me a hug and told me I looked beautiful and missed me. It ment so much to me. I took a few more pictures then went home and went to bed.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Chapter 6. Things are starting to look up :)
A while went by and nothing from Joe. It was getting very peaceful. I was really starting to show by 19 weeks. You could tell I was pregnant by then. Halloween finally came around and that was my first ultrasound which meant I got to find out the sex of my baby!! I was so excited! They told me to drink what was what felt like an ocean of water. I was sitting in class just drinking water all day long. Being pregnant and drinking a ton of water does NOT mix well.. you have to pee a ton anyway and adding water to that is not okay haha. By the time to got to the hospital to have the ultrasound done, my back was hurting so bad. I could not believe the pain I was in. It was the worst pain I have ever been in! They finally got me in to find out. Everything was looking good, but they couldnt get the baby to move because I had so much water in me, lucky for me she let me finally pee! that helped my back pain a little, everything on the baby was looking good, but my pain suddenly got worse. It got to the point where I had to get up and I threw up from it, but that didnt even help the pain. FINALLY she asked if I wanted to know what it was....I had thought forever that it was a boy, then that day I decided it was a girl....and Momma knows best because I was being blessed with a beautiful baby girl! I was so excited. My mom and I started to cry a little :) but it was a good cry. I was excited!
Chapter 5- Turning point
A few hours later Joes Mom and Aunt show up at my house. We assumed she wanted to talk about the meeting earlier that day. Turns out she knew nothing about it and was coming to tell us to stop telling people that it was Joes baby. We discussed things, she accused me of things, and left. We told her the same thing that if Joe didnt want to be involved he didnt have to. She said she would talk to him and get back to us.
Then one night I woke up with excruciating pain in my hip. I was so scared it was a miscarriage I ran right up to my parents and told them. We looked it up on the internet and figured it was probably just a round ligament pain. nothing too serious but we should bring it up at the doctors appointment coming up soon.
In the mean time, I went to my second doctors appointment. I told the nurse about my pain and she said that she would tell the doctor about it and figure out what it was. The Dr. came in and listened to the heart beat, then went to just walk out. I stopped him and asked about the pain. He had no idea what I was talking about. THe freaking nurse never told him. then when I explained it all over again he just looked at me and said " well im not sure what it is." HE was a HUGE help. This doctor then all of the sudden told me to get off any drugs I was on. I could not believe he had said that! He was judging me with out even knowing who I was. Yes I had dark long hair at the time, that day I wore a black T-shirt skinny jeans and my moccasins because I had morning sickness all day long and didnt feel the urge to make my self look too cute. Any way he went on to tell me that while I was pregnant I would feel very sad and depressed and want to try heroine...I was LIVID I Never had tried any kind of drug of any kind and if i was going to start now, I think I would start out with something other than heroine, but I wasnt going to start now any way with a baby inside me. He then went on to tell me that being my doctor he really should not say this but he told me anyway to give the baby up for adoption, because teen moms usually live in poverty the rest of their lives. Oh I was mad I was so sick of people not believing that I could raise a baby. I had the support of my family 100% of the way and had plans for my future. I may have gotten pregnant but that doesnt make me completely irresponsible, I mean come on I wasnt taking the easy way out of this pregnancy by abortion and covering it up. I was taking responsibility of my actions and trying to take care of it. The way home from the doctors, my mom said maybe it was time to switch clinics. Since they couldn't even help me with my problems and judged me without even knowing my story. I was happy to! I was already being judged by everyone, I didnt need it from someone who should be helping me.
A few more weeks went on and guess what...NO word from joe. I finally texted him and said "whats your plan, are you in or out, I need to know so I cant get things figured out" He texted me back and told me to stop harassing him, and to leave him alone that we both knew it wasn't his baby and i was such a liar, oh and that he was going to get a restraining order against me because I wouldnt leave him alone... I was like WHAT THE HECK ! I had every right to be on his case about this, and I wasn't crazy I knew what was going on. He told him to meet him at the school parking lot then and we would discuss it. So I went up and instead of coming to me, he had me come to his truck, in the heat and stand outside, when Im the one who is pregnant and ALWAYS sick. He just yelled at me in front of a few people who were still at school. I was so embarrassed. I couldn't believe the things he said. He told me to get out of his life, even if it was his baby he didnt want it because it would mess up his future and his name. Thats when it really hit me, that my fairy-tale wasn't coming true, he wasn't coming around, and I was going to be raising our child alone while he lived out his dreams. I finally just told him that he would be hearing from my lawyer and walked back to my car, let him drive away and I just lost it. I dont think I have ever cried so hard in my whole life. This was a complete turning point for me. And I am so glad I realize that now.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Chapter 4 - They always say A baby wont make him stay...
A few days after that, my little secret pretty much got out to everyone. I told Joe that everyone knew and was asking about it. He told me to just deny it and dont say anything. I was mad...I would be the one who would look like an idiot for lying about it then be the one waddling around like an elephant in a few months. I mean i am 82 pounds and not even 5 feet tall people will notice pretty soon .I ignored his "advice" and took responsibility for what was going on. I knew I made a mistake and lying about it wasnt going to make the situation any better. I made a decision that even though my circumstances were not ideal for having a baby, well I was going to make the best of it. No one was going to make me feel like this baby was going to be a mistake, or an accident. I knew for some reason I was going to have this baby this early in life for who knows why but all I knew is that I wasnt going to let being pregnant at 17 stop me from being happy and making the best out of it. No matter what a baby is a blessing no matter how they get here.
I went to my first doctors appointment, I had a legit pregnancy test, it came out positive, blood work done, I was healthy and had no STD's ( figured I didnt haha). I was asked if I wanted to test the baby for some kind of disorders or something and I said no because they cant change it if the baby has it anyway and no needle is going into my belly button anytime soon. I found out my due date was right on with the day I knew the baby was conceived. I was also able to hear my babies heart beat for the first time. It took the doctor a minute to hear it, but when he finally did, one of the highlights of the pregnancy! My mom started to cry, and so did I. It made it feel a little more real and made the rumors worth it just a little more! Yet I had wished Joe was there to hear it with me, but his cross country was more important.
I called him on the way home, he didnt sound too interested when I told him that the nurse gave me a gift, when she heard that I was only 17. Then when I told him that I said no to the tests...He screamed at me over the phone, my mom could hear it and was so mad that he yelled at me over something like that. He had the nerve to call me stupid, when he couldn't man up and come to the doctors with me. He was starting to act really funny about all of it.
Soon I started hearing rumors that Joe was saying that he wasnt the father of my baby, and everytime I texted him well I got no response or he beat around the bush. We finally decided to talk one day after school. He bluntly said he didnt think this baby was his, and wanted me to stop telling people it was his. I could not believe he was saying that after him telling me a few weeks before that we should get married and we were going to be a family soon. We sat there and yelled in the gym, and honestly I cant remember half the stuff we screamed at each other, all I remember is I asked if it even was his child if he wanted to be involved. He stopped, thought for a second, and said "actually no I dont, I have lots of colleges looking at me right now for scholarships and a baby will ruin it all, plus you were easy enough to sleep with me, I am sure you were easy enough to sleep with everyone else." I just turned around to walk out. He yelled for me to come back and I kept walking and he grabbed the handle on my bag and pulled me back and said " I am not done talking to you", and I said "well I am done talking to you, and get your hands off me!" and walked out of that gym, ran to my best friends and just started bawling trying to tell them what had just happened.
I never thought any of those things would come out of his mouth. Most of all I could not believe he called me easy. He must of forgot the detail that we had dated for almost 4 years, and always told me that we would get married so it was okay. Its funny how some guys can easily forget the past when it is convenient for them.
I started going to some counseling for some of the things I was dealing with at LDS family services. During the counseling I got a few texts and calls from Joe saying " I need to talk to you tomorrow. it will be quick I just need to tell you what is going to happen if this doesnt stop" I asked if what doesnt and he said " you and your parents telling people its mine"I told him we knew it was his and he knew it too, but my family and I knew he wanted nothing to do with us so we were done with him and didnt need anything from him so it was over. He said he didnt believe it and called me a liar so my mom had had enough with him so she texted him and told him to come to my house the next day to talk about it.
He had no idea that we had my bishop there in case he said something and we could have a witness. So he was very shocked when he walked in and seen my bishop standing there. To sum up the long like hour meeting, Joe basically said that he wanted a paternity test that week ( I was like 12 weeks) and we explained that can harm the baby this early and were not willing to do that. He said he didnt care if it hurt the baby or not, because he was sure it wasnt his and was sick of his name being dirtied, and wanted a public apology for us lying about it. Oh he also said that he had been going through so much because of all of this....I flipped out because I gave up dancing, pretty much any social life I had, my schooling plans, my career plans, and knew dating was over for a while, but he is still doing all the sports he can, getting scholarships, and already had a new girlfriend by now, but he had given up soooo much...Yeah right!. My parents went on to tell him that we didnt need anything from him, he just needed to drop it and move on and we wouldnt come after him for money or anything, just to leave us alone.
This was hard on me , here I am like 3 months pregnant and watching the guy I loved walk right out of my life and deny it all, and break every promise he had ever made. I cried my self to sleep a little bit every night because it felt like my life was falling apart more and more everyday. I knew I shouldnt cry and feel bad about it though because I had been warned about this happening and it was part of the consequences I was getting for getting into things I wasnt ready for, all I could think was a quote i seen on FB saying " Sex wont make him love you, and a baby wont make him stay" That was the theme of my life.
I went to my first doctors appointment, I had a legit pregnancy test, it came out positive, blood work done, I was healthy and had no STD's ( figured I didnt haha). I was asked if I wanted to test the baby for some kind of disorders or something and I said no because they cant change it if the baby has it anyway and no needle is going into my belly button anytime soon. I found out my due date was right on with the day I knew the baby was conceived. I was also able to hear my babies heart beat for the first time. It took the doctor a minute to hear it, but when he finally did, one of the highlights of the pregnancy! My mom started to cry, and so did I. It made it feel a little more real and made the rumors worth it just a little more! Yet I had wished Joe was there to hear it with me, but his cross country was more important.
I called him on the way home, he didnt sound too interested when I told him that the nurse gave me a gift, when she heard that I was only 17. Then when I told him that I said no to the tests...He screamed at me over the phone, my mom could hear it and was so mad that he yelled at me over something like that. He had the nerve to call me stupid, when he couldn't man up and come to the doctors with me. He was starting to act really funny about all of it.
Soon I started hearing rumors that Joe was saying that he wasnt the father of my baby, and everytime I texted him well I got no response or he beat around the bush. We finally decided to talk one day after school. He bluntly said he didnt think this baby was his, and wanted me to stop telling people it was his. I could not believe he was saying that after him telling me a few weeks before that we should get married and we were going to be a family soon. We sat there and yelled in the gym, and honestly I cant remember half the stuff we screamed at each other, all I remember is I asked if it even was his child if he wanted to be involved. He stopped, thought for a second, and said "actually no I dont, I have lots of colleges looking at me right now for scholarships and a baby will ruin it all, plus you were easy enough to sleep with me, I am sure you were easy enough to sleep with everyone else." I just turned around to walk out. He yelled for me to come back and I kept walking and he grabbed the handle on my bag and pulled me back and said " I am not done talking to you", and I said "well I am done talking to you, and get your hands off me!" and walked out of that gym, ran to my best friends and just started bawling trying to tell them what had just happened.
I never thought any of those things would come out of his mouth. Most of all I could not believe he called me easy. He must of forgot the detail that we had dated for almost 4 years, and always told me that we would get married so it was okay. Its funny how some guys can easily forget the past when it is convenient for them.
I started going to some counseling for some of the things I was dealing with at LDS family services. During the counseling I got a few texts and calls from Joe saying " I need to talk to you tomorrow. it will be quick I just need to tell you what is going to happen if this doesnt stop" I asked if what doesnt and he said " you and your parents telling people its mine"I told him we knew it was his and he knew it too, but my family and I knew he wanted nothing to do with us so we were done with him and didnt need anything from him so it was over. He said he didnt believe it and called me a liar so my mom had had enough with him so she texted him and told him to come to my house the next day to talk about it.
He had no idea that we had my bishop there in case he said something and we could have a witness. So he was very shocked when he walked in and seen my bishop standing there. To sum up the long like hour meeting, Joe basically said that he wanted a paternity test that week ( I was like 12 weeks) and we explained that can harm the baby this early and were not willing to do that. He said he didnt care if it hurt the baby or not, because he was sure it wasnt his and was sick of his name being dirtied, and wanted a public apology for us lying about it. Oh he also said that he had been going through so much because of all of this....I flipped out because I gave up dancing, pretty much any social life I had, my schooling plans, my career plans, and knew dating was over for a while, but he is still doing all the sports he can, getting scholarships, and already had a new girlfriend by now, but he had given up soooo much...Yeah right!. My parents went on to tell him that we didnt need anything from him, he just needed to drop it and move on and we wouldnt come after him for money or anything, just to leave us alone.
This was hard on me , here I am like 3 months pregnant and watching the guy I loved walk right out of my life and deny it all, and break every promise he had ever made. I cried my self to sleep a little bit every night because it felt like my life was falling apart more and more everyday. I knew I shouldnt cry and feel bad about it though because I had been warned about this happening and it was part of the consequences I was getting for getting into things I wasnt ready for, all I could think was a quote i seen on FB saying " Sex wont make him love you, and a baby wont make him stay" That was the theme of my life.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Chapter 3- When its rains..well it pours
I finally realized that it was time for me to start getting ready for this baby. First thing I needed to do was talk to my bishop. I told Joe that I was going to talk to mine and he said he would talk to his. I talked to mine and he said it would be best if the guy was there to tell my parents. So I told Joe it was time to get real and we needed to plan a day to tell my parents. I honestly waited like 2 more weeks for him to work the nerve up to tell my parents ...well guess what He never did. He put it off and put it off and made every excuse he could. I just decided that I needed to just grow up for the both of us and tell my parents, even if I had to do it alone.
One day everyone was gone other than my mom, so as she was eating her watermelon, I simply said "maybe I should tell you why I was really talking to the bishop" then she said "maybe you should", I could tell she wouldnt believe the words that were about to come out of my mouth. " uh Im pregnant" I some how spit out. She just stared at me and dropped her fork. Honestly I dont remember what was said or what went on after that. I do remember a lot of tears and a moment only a mother and a very scared daughter could have. She did tell me that we needed to call my dad home from a late night at work. we called him and we just said to come home we needed to talk and it wasnt something we could discuss over the phone. During this I kept getting texts from Joe, saying things like what is going on, what are you doing!? Why did you do that!. I didnt understand why he was so mad that I told my parents but later when I asked why, he said it was because when his sister got pregnant at 17 she didnt tell her family until she was like 4 months along...but she had 100% support from her baby daddy and I clearly did not....Anyway my dad got home and we went for a drive and my mom said it was my responsibility to tell him. so I took a deep breath and said "Im pregnant". He then took a breath and said "Whats done is done and we just have to move forward." I was shocked! I honestly had a few bags packed for fear that I would be kicked out of the house, but he explained that I was their daughter and they would take care of me no matter what was going to go on, and that the most important thing was to get the baby here safe and sound. then came the part that I had to tell my younger sisters. How do you tell the people who probably look up to you the most that you made a mistake? When I told them one of my sisters took it extremely hard and cried for almost 5 hours after. Later when we were talking about why she was so upset she said it was because she knew dancing was done for me, my senior year would not be the same and my life was probably over. The other one well she is still a little too young to connect the dots.
I then slowly had to tell all of my aunts, uncles, grandmas, cousins and really closes friends. Do you know how embarrassing it is to have to tell people your 17 and pregnant...its not that fun at all. One of the hardest people to tell was my dance coaches. They expect so much out of you and you have to tell them that you just let them down, and the team that you just spend the whole summer bonding and building a friendship with.
Speaking of summer, I got morning sickness during my morning dance practice. I was shocked no one in my family ever got morning sickness. I was freaked out. Luckly one of my friends who knew what was really going on kinda covered for me and held my hair as I fairly violently puked my guts out in front of my whole dance team. Complete embarrassment.
Slowly school was going to start, and I was coming up on like being like two months pregnant and I figured it was only fair that my coaches should know the truth so they didnt plan on me the rest of the year, and for the health of the baby. My mom facebooked my coach and asked if we could come down after school and talk to her about somethings. When I got to practice that morning, she just happened to walk in the same time I was and asked what we needed to talk about, I just kept telling her that we could talk about it later then she looked right at me and asked what was really going on, I looked at her with tears in my eyes and said "Im pregnant", she asked if I was joking and I told her that I was so serious and wouldnt lie about that. She started to cry a little and hugged me, told me everything was going to be okay. We sat outside, cried for a minute more then sat for a minute until we were able to get ourselves together. Later that day I went to her house to discuss it a little more. Then she called in the other coach so I could tell her, I was able to tell this coach a little easier since she had gotten pregnant in college and was kinda in the same boat as me. She also started to cry and gave me some advice. She told me not to marry Joe just since we were having a baby and to make sure I did what was best for the baby. They told me I could stay on the team until I felt like it was time to leave. I was so glad because I had worked all summer long, and really just wanted to perform at one more football game. So they said that would be fine. Until that last football game I dont thing I ever practiced that hard for a simple dance, and when that night came, I dont think I ever danced that hard ever. As the last few seconds of the song started ending, I walked off that field bawling, I knew that would be the last time I ever performed, and performing was my life, I have danced since I was 2 and now it was over just like that. After I texted Joe and said "that was the hardest thing to give up"and guess what...I got no reply at all. Nothing, I just had quit the thing I dedicated my life to, and not even a text saying im sorry. I honestly wanted him there holding me after saying something that I was giving it up for the baby and it will all be worth it, but no not a word about it ever.
One day everyone was gone other than my mom, so as she was eating her watermelon, I simply said "maybe I should tell you why I was really talking to the bishop" then she said "maybe you should", I could tell she wouldnt believe the words that were about to come out of my mouth. " uh Im pregnant" I some how spit out. She just stared at me and dropped her fork. Honestly I dont remember what was said or what went on after that. I do remember a lot of tears and a moment only a mother and a very scared daughter could have. She did tell me that we needed to call my dad home from a late night at work. we called him and we just said to come home we needed to talk and it wasnt something we could discuss over the phone. During this I kept getting texts from Joe, saying things like what is going on, what are you doing!? Why did you do that!. I didnt understand why he was so mad that I told my parents but later when I asked why, he said it was because when his sister got pregnant at 17 she didnt tell her family until she was like 4 months along...but she had 100% support from her baby daddy and I clearly did not....Anyway my dad got home and we went for a drive and my mom said it was my responsibility to tell him. so I took a deep breath and said "Im pregnant". He then took a breath and said "Whats done is done and we just have to move forward." I was shocked! I honestly had a few bags packed for fear that I would be kicked out of the house, but he explained that I was their daughter and they would take care of me no matter what was going to go on, and that the most important thing was to get the baby here safe and sound. then came the part that I had to tell my younger sisters. How do you tell the people who probably look up to you the most that you made a mistake? When I told them one of my sisters took it extremely hard and cried for almost 5 hours after. Later when we were talking about why she was so upset she said it was because she knew dancing was done for me, my senior year would not be the same and my life was probably over. The other one well she is still a little too young to connect the dots.
I then slowly had to tell all of my aunts, uncles, grandmas, cousins and really closes friends. Do you know how embarrassing it is to have to tell people your 17 and pregnant...its not that fun at all. One of the hardest people to tell was my dance coaches. They expect so much out of you and you have to tell them that you just let them down, and the team that you just spend the whole summer bonding and building a friendship with.
Speaking of summer, I got morning sickness during my morning dance practice. I was shocked no one in my family ever got morning sickness. I was freaked out. Luckly one of my friends who knew what was really going on kinda covered for me and held my hair as I fairly violently puked my guts out in front of my whole dance team. Complete embarrassment.
Slowly school was going to start, and I was coming up on like being like two months pregnant and I figured it was only fair that my coaches should know the truth so they didnt plan on me the rest of the year, and for the health of the baby. My mom facebooked my coach and asked if we could come down after school and talk to her about somethings. When I got to practice that morning, she just happened to walk in the same time I was and asked what we needed to talk about, I just kept telling her that we could talk about it later then she looked right at me and asked what was really going on, I looked at her with tears in my eyes and said "Im pregnant", she asked if I was joking and I told her that I was so serious and wouldnt lie about that. She started to cry a little and hugged me, told me everything was going to be okay. We sat outside, cried for a minute more then sat for a minute until we were able to get ourselves together. Later that day I went to her house to discuss it a little more. Then she called in the other coach so I could tell her, I was able to tell this coach a little easier since she had gotten pregnant in college and was kinda in the same boat as me. She also started to cry and gave me some advice. She told me not to marry Joe just since we were having a baby and to make sure I did what was best for the baby. They told me I could stay on the team until I felt like it was time to leave. I was so glad because I had worked all summer long, and really just wanted to perform at one more football game. So they said that would be fine. Until that last football game I dont thing I ever practiced that hard for a simple dance, and when that night came, I dont think I ever danced that hard ever. As the last few seconds of the song started ending, I walked off that field bawling, I knew that would be the last time I ever performed, and performing was my life, I have danced since I was 2 and now it was over just like that. After I texted Joe and said "that was the hardest thing to give up"and guess what...I got no reply at all. Nothing, I just had quit the thing I dedicated my life to, and not even a text saying im sorry. I honestly wanted him there holding me after saying something that I was giving it up for the baby and it will all be worth it, but no not a word about it ever.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Chapter 2- Reality hits really fast
So I jump in the car, and just start bawling, having a complete melt down! I mean who wouldn't?? I am 17 and have my whole senior year to live and a baby kinda is a large speed bump. This guy...hum I shall call Joe, any way Joe tells "Well maybe we should look into an abortion". I was irate abortion is for sure not any kind of option for me. I simply told him no thats not going to happen. We discussed it a little more then we both went home.
Weeks went by and I had not taken another test. And Joe never really seemed like it was a priority. So one day I decided to drive to a distant friends, and buy a test and take it there. No one knew me so it would be a little easier. I told Joe that I was going to take the test. He said to call him as soon as I found out. I got to this friends house, we picked up some other friends and headed to walmart. I picked out a pricey preg. test and honestly was too embarrassed to buy it. So the friends were so awesome and bought it for me and made it easier on me. Then we headed to a park to pee on the stick again. But by now I was 99.999% sure that I was now like a month pregnant. I peed on that stick and that little + showed up in 10 seconds... It was official I was not pregnant and needed to start getting my life in order. It all kinda hit me. First of all the biggest thing was realizing my senior year on my dance team was over. This dance team is a team was a team I had dreamed about since I was 2, and it was just over. Then I realized I had to tell my parents. How do you tell your parents that your pregnant? So I called Joe...no answer..I tried back again...No answer...and I tried for an hour trying to get ahold of him. Finally I just texted him and said "Guess what your a father". It is not the way I ever planned on telling my baby daddy I was pregnant but I had no other choice. Finally he called me back and said "Oh sorry I was at a waterpark with my friends" I was kinda mad, he knew I would be taking the test that day and still he wasnt concerned enough to check his phone to see if I called. Then he told me to meet him in the school parking lot when I got home and when he did.
The whole hour drive home I was in shock, complete shock. It was all hitting me so fast. Finally I got a text tellin me to come meet him. I told my parents I was goin to a friends real fast. when I got there he just hugged me and said its going to be okay we will figure it out.
By this time I had started to like another guy, and it was going somewhere. He was someone who respected me and had been a long time friend. I forgot that that relationship was going to have to end when Joe told me, lets be official and be my girlfriend. Honestly I didnt want to. I wasnt loving how he had been treating me. I kinda told him how I felt and he said we could hold off. But me wanting my ow n family I fell back in love with him, but he never asked me to be his girlfriend. We started acting like we were dating and getting excited about being parents. If only I knew what was in my future.
Weeks went by and I had not taken another test. And Joe never really seemed like it was a priority. So one day I decided to drive to a distant friends, and buy a test and take it there. No one knew me so it would be a little easier. I told Joe that I was going to take the test. He said to call him as soon as I found out. I got to this friends house, we picked up some other friends and headed to walmart. I picked out a pricey preg. test and honestly was too embarrassed to buy it. So the friends were so awesome and bought it for me and made it easier on me. Then we headed to a park to pee on the stick again. But by now I was 99.999% sure that I was now like a month pregnant. I peed on that stick and that little + showed up in 10 seconds... It was official I was not pregnant and needed to start getting my life in order. It all kinda hit me. First of all the biggest thing was realizing my senior year on my dance team was over. This dance team is a team was a team I had dreamed about since I was 2, and it was just over. Then I realized I had to tell my parents. How do you tell your parents that your pregnant? So I called Joe...no answer..I tried back again...No answer...and I tried for an hour trying to get ahold of him. Finally I just texted him and said "Guess what your a father". It is not the way I ever planned on telling my baby daddy I was pregnant but I had no other choice. Finally he called me back and said "Oh sorry I was at a waterpark with my friends" I was kinda mad, he knew I would be taking the test that day and still he wasnt concerned enough to check his phone to see if I called. Then he told me to meet him in the school parking lot when I got home and when he did.
The whole hour drive home I was in shock, complete shock. It was all hitting me so fast. Finally I got a text tellin me to come meet him. I told my parents I was goin to a friends real fast. when I got there he just hugged me and said its going to be okay we will figure it out.
By this time I had started to like another guy, and it was going somewhere. He was someone who respected me and had been a long time friend. I forgot that that relationship was going to have to end when Joe told me, lets be official and be my girlfriend. Honestly I didnt want to. I wasnt loving how he had been treating me. I kinda told him how I felt and he said we could hold off. But me wanting my ow n family I fell back in love with him, but he never asked me to be his girlfriend. We started acting like we were dating and getting excited about being parents. If only I knew what was in my future.
Chapter 1-Teenage girls can be a little stupid.
Im sure you figured out what I will be posting about on here, just by the title. I have felt the urge to blog about my experiences as not only a single mom but a single and teen mom. I figured starting at the first would be the best way to start this all out so here it goes...
My story starts out in the middle of summer, not just any summer the summer right before my big exciting senior year. Life is amazing, I am one of the big dogs on my dance team and bound determined to be one of the best dancers on the team. Also I am on student government and can't wait to start planning all of the senior activities. Plus there is this guy in my life, not just any guy, he is "the one" we had been dating on and off for 4 years now. At this point we are not "officially a couple" because he says its not the right time, but come on I am a teenage girl and I am pretty sure here soon we will be engaged.
Any whoo... one summer day this "love of mine" and I decide to hang out, we had a blast, and then it was over and instead of taking me home, we decided to have a little "fun". It wasn't the first time this had happened but we always swore it would be the very last. After I got home and got ready for the big party that we were both going to, my friend picked me up and off we went. We got there and this "love" does not even say a word to me, the whole time. Me, being extremely clingy and "in love" is constantly texting him saying "come on why wont you talk to me", or " after what we did today you cant just ignore me thats not how it works". Yet I get no response. Oddly enough we are back talking the next day and everything is fine.
A few days later, I start to notice weird things on my body change. First thought is "am I pregnant?" then I think that it would never happen to me. So I text the guy and have a minor freak out for dramatic effect freaking out that I think I am pregnant. He says he is sure im not but we can get a test just to be safe.
After a few weeks of me being now positive I am pregnant, I start talking to my best friend about it, more joking about it. We joke about how fun it would be to be a mommy and get married and celebrate graduation with your own little family.
Finally, the day comes when I am seriously "late" and I tell him we NEED to get a test. So late one night I tell my parents that I am going to a friends when really me and him are meeting up to go buy a test and take it. Living in such a small town is really hard to buy a test without rumors starting like wildfire. We end up going to a 7-11 and pretend like we are buying one for his already pregnant sister to take and scare one of his friends with. Then the big moment comes. The whole peeing on the stick thing. Thats scary enough because for one, I am in a park bathroom and hobos live in it, two,my life could FOREVER change, three, k honestly the instructions said to pee in a cup then suck some up in the sucker thing then put it on the test, and I have no cup so I had to just pee on it and hope it worked. I sat the test on the sink and paced back and forth for what seemed like an hour, the thing said like 3 minutes, but I think I maybe waited one till I looked... At first it said -- so I was like "yes"! then it went +,then I was like "crap" then it just went |....like what does just | mean?? so I assumed the worst and ran back out to his car. The little kids on the playground playing are looking at me crazy as I run to him as I am crying and saying "Its positive, I am pregnant, I am pregnant"!
His face got super serious and he looked me in the eyes and just said "Shut up and get in the car"
My story starts out in the middle of summer, not just any summer the summer right before my big exciting senior year. Life is amazing, I am one of the big dogs on my dance team and bound determined to be one of the best dancers on the team. Also I am on student government and can't wait to start planning all of the senior activities. Plus there is this guy in my life, not just any guy, he is "the one" we had been dating on and off for 4 years now. At this point we are not "officially a couple" because he says its not the right time, but come on I am a teenage girl and I am pretty sure here soon we will be engaged.
Any whoo... one summer day this "love of mine" and I decide to hang out, we had a blast, and then it was over and instead of taking me home, we decided to have a little "fun". It wasn't the first time this had happened but we always swore it would be the very last. After I got home and got ready for the big party that we were both going to, my friend picked me up and off we went. We got there and this "love" does not even say a word to me, the whole time. Me, being extremely clingy and "in love" is constantly texting him saying "come on why wont you talk to me", or " after what we did today you cant just ignore me thats not how it works". Yet I get no response. Oddly enough we are back talking the next day and everything is fine.
A few days later, I start to notice weird things on my body change. First thought is "am I pregnant?" then I think that it would never happen to me. So I text the guy and have a minor freak out for dramatic effect freaking out that I think I am pregnant. He says he is sure im not but we can get a test just to be safe.
After a few weeks of me being now positive I am pregnant, I start talking to my best friend about it, more joking about it. We joke about how fun it would be to be a mommy and get married and celebrate graduation with your own little family.
Finally, the day comes when I am seriously "late" and I tell him we NEED to get a test. So late one night I tell my parents that I am going to a friends when really me and him are meeting up to go buy a test and take it. Living in such a small town is really hard to buy a test without rumors starting like wildfire. We end up going to a 7-11 and pretend like we are buying one for his already pregnant sister to take and scare one of his friends with. Then the big moment comes. The whole peeing on the stick thing. Thats scary enough because for one, I am in a park bathroom and hobos live in it, two,my life could FOREVER change, three, k honestly the instructions said to pee in a cup then suck some up in the sucker thing then put it on the test, and I have no cup so I had to just pee on it and hope it worked. I sat the test on the sink and paced back and forth for what seemed like an hour, the thing said like 3 minutes, but I think I maybe waited one till I looked... At first it said -- so I was like "yes"! then it went +,then I was like "crap" then it just went |....like what does just | mean?? so I assumed the worst and ran back out to his car. The little kids on the playground playing are looking at me crazy as I run to him as I am crying and saying "Its positive, I am pregnant, I am pregnant"!
His face got super serious and he looked me in the eyes and just said "Shut up and get in the car"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)