Chapter 4 - They always say A baby wont make him stay...

A few days after that, my little secret pretty much got out to everyone. I told Joe that everyone knew and was asking about it. He told me to just deny it and dont say anything. I was mad...I would be the one who would look like an idiot for lying about it then be the one waddling around like an elephant in a few months. I mean i am 82 pounds and not even 5 feet tall people will notice pretty soon .I ignored his "advice" and took responsibility for what was going on. I knew I made a mistake and lying about it wasnt going to make the situation any better. I made a decision that even though my circumstances were not ideal for having a baby, well I was going to make the best of it. No one was going to make me feel like this baby was going to be a mistake, or an accident. I knew for some reason I was going to have this baby this early in life for who knows why but all I knew is that I wasnt going to let being pregnant at 17 stop me from being happy and making the best out of it. No matter what a baby is a blessing no matter how they get here.
I went to my first doctors appointment, I had a legit pregnancy test, it came out positive, blood work done, I was healthy and had no STD's ( figured I didnt haha). I was asked if I wanted to test the baby for some kind of disorders or something and I said no because they cant change it if the baby has it anyway and no needle is going into my belly button anytime soon. I found out my due date was right on with the day I knew the baby was conceived. I was also able to hear my babies heart beat for the first time. It took the doctor a minute to hear it, but when he finally did, one of the highlights of the pregnancy! My mom started to cry, and so did I. It made it feel a little more real and made the rumors worth it just a little more! Yet I had wished Joe was there to hear it with me, but his cross country was more important. 
I called him on the way home, he didnt sound too interested when I told him that the nurse gave me a gift, when she heard that I was only 17. Then when I told him that I said no to the tests...He screamed at me over the phone, my mom could hear it and was so mad that he yelled at me over something like that. He had the nerve to call me stupid, when he couldn't man up and come to the doctors with me. He was starting to act really funny about all of it.
Soon I started hearing rumors that Joe was saying that he wasnt the father of my baby, and everytime I texted him well I got no response or he beat around the bush. We finally decided to talk one day after school. He bluntly said he didnt think this baby was his, and wanted me to stop telling people it was his. I could not believe he was saying that after him telling me a few weeks before that we should get married and we were going to be a family soon. We sat there and yelled in the gym, and honestly I cant remember half the stuff we screamed at each other, all I remember is I asked if it even was his child if he wanted to be involved. He stopped, thought for a second, and said "actually no I dont, I have lots of colleges looking at me right now for scholarships and a baby will ruin it all, plus you were easy enough to sleep with me, I am sure you were easy enough to sleep with everyone else." I just turned around to walk out. He yelled for me to come back and I kept walking and he grabbed the handle on my bag and pulled me back and said " I am not done talking to you", and I said "well I am done talking to you, and get your hands off me!" and walked out of that gym, ran to my best friends and just started bawling trying to tell them what had just happened. 
I never thought any of those things would come out of his mouth. Most of all I could not believe he called me easy. He must of forgot the detail that we had dated for almost 4 years, and always told me that we would get married so it was okay. Its funny how some guys can easily forget the past when it is convenient for them.
I started going to some counseling for some of the things I was dealing with at LDS family services. During the counseling I got a few texts and calls from Joe saying " I need to talk to you tomorrow. it will be quick I just need to tell you what is going to happen if this doesnt stop" I asked if what doesnt and he said " you and your parents telling people its mine"I told him we knew it was his and he knew it too, but my family and I knew he wanted nothing to do with us so we were done with him and didnt need anything from him so it was over. He said he didnt believe it and called me a liar so my  mom had had enough with him so she texted him and told him to come to my house the next day to talk about it.
He had no idea that we had my bishop there in case he said something and we could have a witness. So he was very shocked when he walked in and seen my bishop standing there. To sum up the long like hour meeting, Joe basically said that he wanted a paternity test that week ( I was like 12 weeks) and we explained that can harm the baby this early and were not willing to do that. He said he didnt care if it hurt the baby or not, because he was sure it wasnt his and was sick of his name being dirtied, and wanted a public apology for us lying about it. Oh he also said that he had been going through so much because of all of this....I flipped out because I gave up dancing, pretty much any social life I had, my schooling plans, my career plans, and knew dating was over for a while, but he is still doing all the sports he can, getting scholarships, and already had a new girlfriend by now, but he had given up soooo much...Yeah right!. My parents went on to tell him that we didnt need anything from him, he just needed to drop it and move on and we wouldnt come after him for money or anything, just to leave us alone.
This was hard on me , here I am like 3 months pregnant and watching the guy I loved walk right out of my life and deny it all, and break every promise he had ever made. I cried my self to sleep a little bit every night because it felt like my life was falling apart more and more everyday. I knew I shouldnt cry and feel bad about it though because I had been warned about this happening and it was part of the consequences I was getting for getting into things I wasnt ready for, all I could think was a quote i seen on FB saying " Sex wont make him love you, and a baby wont make him stay" That was the theme of my life.