I finally realized that it was time for me to start getting ready for this baby. First thing I needed to do was talk to my bishop. I told Joe that I was going to talk to mine and he said he would talk to his. I talked to mine and he said it would be best if the guy was there to tell my parents. So I told Joe it was time to get real and we needed to plan a day to tell my parents. I honestly waited like 2 more weeks for him to work the nerve up to tell my parents ...well guess what He never did. He put it off and put it off and made every excuse he could. I just decided that I needed to just grow up for the both of us and tell my parents, even if I had to do it alone.
One day everyone was gone other than my mom, so as she was eating her watermelon, I simply said "maybe I should tell you why I was really talking to the bishop" then she said "maybe you should", I could tell she wouldnt believe the words that were about to come out of my mouth. " uh Im pregnant" I some how spit out. She just stared at me and dropped her fork. Honestly I dont remember what was said or what went on after that. I do remember a lot of tears and a moment only a mother and a very scared daughter could have. She did tell me that we needed to call my dad home from a late night at work. we called him and we just said to come home we needed to talk and it wasnt something we could discuss over the phone. During this I kept getting texts from Joe, saying things like what is going on, what are you doing!? Why did you do that!. I didnt understand why he was so mad that I told my parents but later when I asked why, he said it was because when his sister got pregnant at 17 she didnt tell her family until she was like 4 months along...but she had 100% support from her baby daddy and I clearly did not....Anyway my dad got home and we went for a drive and my mom said it was my responsibility to tell him. so I took a deep breath and said "Im pregnant". He then took a breath and said "Whats done is done and we just have to move forward." I was shocked! I honestly had a few bags packed for fear that I would be kicked out of the house, but he explained that I was their daughter and they would take care of me no matter what was going to go on, and that the most important thing was to get the baby here safe and sound. then came the part that I had to tell my younger sisters. How do you tell the people who probably look up to you the most that you made a mistake? When I told them one of my sisters took it extremely hard and cried for almost 5 hours after. Later when we were talking about why she was so upset she said it was because she knew dancing was done for me, my senior year would not be the same and my life was probably over. The other one well she is still a little too young to connect the dots.
I then slowly had to tell all of my aunts, uncles, grandmas, cousins and really closes friends. Do you know how embarrassing it is to have to tell people your 17 and pregnant...its not that fun at all. One of the hardest people to tell was my dance coaches. They expect so much out of you and you have to tell them that you just let them down, and the team that you just spend the whole summer bonding and building a friendship with.
Speaking of summer, I got morning sickness during my morning dance practice. I was shocked no one in my family ever got morning sickness. I was freaked out. Luckly one of my friends who knew what was really going on kinda covered for me and held my hair as I fairly violently puked my guts out in front of my whole dance team. Complete embarrassment.
Slowly school was going to start, and I was coming up on like being like two months pregnant and I figured it was only fair that my coaches should know the truth so they didnt plan on me the rest of the year, and for the health of the baby. My mom facebooked my coach and asked if we could come down after school and talk to her about somethings. When I got to practice that morning, she just happened to walk in the same time I was and asked what we needed to talk about, I just kept telling her that we could talk about it later then she looked right at me and asked what was really going on, I looked at her with tears in my eyes and said "Im pregnant", she asked if I was joking and I told her that I was so serious and wouldnt lie about that. She started to cry a little and hugged me, told me everything was going to be okay. We sat outside, cried for a minute more then sat for a minute until we were able to get ourselves together. Later that day I went to her house to discuss it a little more. Then she called in the other coach so I could tell her, I was able to tell this coach a little easier since she had gotten pregnant in college and was kinda in the same boat as me. She also started to cry and gave me some advice. She told me not to marry Joe just since we were having a baby and to make sure I did what was best for the baby. They told me I could stay on the team until I felt like it was time to leave. I was so glad because I had worked all summer long, and really just wanted to perform at one more football game. So they said that would be fine. Until that last football game I dont thing I ever practiced that hard for a simple dance, and when that night came, I dont think I ever danced that hard ever. As the last few seconds of the song started ending, I walked off that field bawling, I knew that would be the last time I ever performed, and performing was my life, I have danced since I was 2 and now it was over just like that. After I texted Joe and said "that was the hardest thing to give up"and guess what...I got no reply at all. Nothing, I just had quit the thing I dedicated my life to, and not even a text saying im sorry. I honestly wanted him there holding me after saying something that I was giving it up for the baby and it will all be worth it, but no not a word about it ever.
No comments:
Post a Comment