Choices and Decisions

 It didn't take even take a week until Joe decided to text me again. Court was July 10^th and I got a text on July 12^th. I can't say I was really expecting it for once. My attorney advised me to leave him alone for at least a month. I had planned on letting Joe choose if he wanted to be involved with Nixxon or not since he had terminated his rights like I had asked. I was not completely opposed to him being a part of Nixxon's life just as long as I was in control of how much, when, and if it was doing more good than bad for her. I was planning about 4 weeks after court to contact him to find out if being a part of her life was something he was interested in. But here was Joe contacting me within a few days. I wasn't sure how to handle this.

{J} Hey I wanted to tell you this in person but I really am sorry things have went. I know I should have stepped up and been a man two years ago. Thank you for raising Nixxon so well and Im sorry I left you to do it alone. I trust you and know she will have a good life. I hope you find everything in life that you are looking for and I know you don't need my help but if you ever do need anything or Nixxon does im here. Maybe I will cya around.

{M} Joe I want to tell you thank you for what you did. I know it wasn't easy but you definitely did the best thing for Nixxon to give her the best life she can get. Thank you.

{J} I know you will work hard like you to give her the best life she can get. I couldn't wish for a better mother for my daughter. Thank you {M} for doing what you have done for Nixxon already means more to me than anything anyone has ever done for me. I respect you and admire you for everything you have done and who you are.

{M} Thank you that means a lot.

{J} Sorry to keep bothering you this will be the last time but I dont want there to be any hard feelings between us so if you want to one of these days when you have some free time I would love to just go for a short drive or a walk or something just to berry the hatchet. Only if you feel its appropriate though.

I was caught off guard by this. I didn't know exactly how to respond or what to think. It took me awhile to respond.

{J}Sorry I know it sounds weird I just want to apologize in person. I don't feel like a text does any justice. Then we can both move on.

I told him I would see when I could because I wasn't sure if I was mentally ready to face him again. Even though I had gotten what I needed from court emotions were still high and I wanted to wait a month like my attorney had mentioned so I thought maybe he would just forget about it. No not the case. By 1:30 the next morning I had a text asking if I was still awake. I woke up an hour later and for some dumb reason thought it was a great time to respond and ask what he needed.

{J} I didn't think you would be up this late but I was just wondering if we could go on that drive tomorrow slash today sometime maybe.

I can't say that I am the nicest person when I wake up dang early to text so excuse my rudeness.

{M} I think I am busy tomorrow.

{J} Thats okay, I know it was short notice. Im just moving and wont be around much anymore but we can work something out.

{M} How about you just come over later today about 4ish? I don't feel comfortable going for a ride honestly but my family can just stay down stairs or something.

I was about to face Joe face to face all over again. Even though the worst part of everything was over the anxiety was still there. Ex boyfriends are meant to stay in the past, and not to be such a big part of your life years after you break up. I was so nervous about what was going to be said and how things would play out. I debated for hours about if I should invite him to be apart of Nixxon's life. Then if he wanted to how much, and if he should meet her that day. I thought I would have a few weeks to think and pray about these things, but I only had a few hours and they are some big choices to make withing a matter of hours.

I told him to come over around 4:15, and at 4 that day I sat in my usually waiting spot. Sitting on my parents dryer, anxiously waiting for the sound of a truck to pull into my driveway. Right on time I heard the roar of the big yellow truck and I had but seconds to choose if he wanted to be involved and before I could make up my mind, there was a knock at my door.