Monday, April 29, 2013
Chapter 29- I cant always win
So yesterday as I was getting ready for church my parents texted me while they were in stake conference and told me that Joe was ordained an Elder which in the LDS church usually means he is going to be called as a missionary when they asked who would sustain him, my friend told me that a few people did not raise their hands. My parents were worried how I took the news so they hurried home to check on me. I was upset but didn't want to think about it at the moment so I went on with my day. I guess later in the day they asked those who would be serving a mission in the next two years to stand up. Guess who freaking stood up. Joe. The church had called me in and asked if I would do a paternity test to see if he was the father so they could decide if he was worthy or not. I told them I could not put my daughter in that situation and they said they would handle it. I guess they decided to believe him and give him a shot. Which for me is good because he is out of my hair for 2 years which is FANTASTIC but at the same time if he goes I can not imagine the rumours that will fly about me lying about everything because parents can not serve missions until their kids are grown, so if they send him I am going to look like a fool, and a liar. And I don't care too much what people think about me but in a small town it is everyone talks about you and stories get twisted and you get judged a little more. It's bittersweet either way. But in the wise words of my grandma, "if they arnt talkin about you, there talking about someone else" so I guess they can keep talking about me and get my name out there a little more.
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So I have to comment. Simply because I know this feeling (to an extent). I have been divorced. And you know in the church that's a big deal. As in look a you funny. People talk about you. My ex husband was remarried in the temple. I didn't know how I felt about it, until I finally realized. Everything will work out in heaven. Everything. And that the atonement covers every feeling you have ever had. God gets it. He knows the truth. And here in the earth world, yup it blows that people will talk. But the ones who love you will still love you, and the ones that already hated you will still hate you. This wont change how anyone who loves you will feel about you, and that's a heck of a lot better than someone going on a mission while lying to get there. He will have to answer to that one.
ReplyDeleteI really think if he goes he isn't going to last long at all. Unless he heaps truly convinced himself that he is not her dad. I had to step out of it and just tell my bishop I did what he had asked and left him alone, so I guess they asked the area 70 about it and they made the decision so maybe he really is ment to go for some reason, or Joe is just putting on a show and saying he is going but never will.
DeleteIs Joe to only possible father? Just checking, and if he is and this was me I'd try and stop him from going, he's not worthy. It would be sad.
ReplyDeleteHe is defiantly the only possible father. And the church really can't stop him if he won't admit to anything. And I'm just not willing to I a paternity test and put my daughter in the situation of being around him. So at this point it's his call and he will have to deal with it I've honestly tried to cut every cord with him and I'm just not responsible for his choices anymore.
DeleteWell, the best thing is to be in constant contact with your bishop. Bishops have some good insight. I got a lot of help by doing therapy down in slc when I lived there. You'd be amazed at what simple things can do! But heck you are obviously doing exactly what it means to be a mother! So keep on keepin on!
ReplyDeleteSince my family is in the same stake as Joe we are in pretty good contact but my bishop and family have butted heads before so we don't talk unless we have to because of conflicts and believes. But usually if something happens they do let me know.
DeleteHey I know this is an old post but im confused. What exactly makes him "worthy?" This isn't really a question about Joe but more about your beliefs. Even if he is the father (well, we know he is) how come that makes him unworthy? I know having a child out of wedlock is a sin but doesn't that get forgiven? I personally feel like having 1 sin under your belt shouldn't stop you from going on missions but that's just my belief. Maybe you could explain it a little better for me?
ReplyDeleteas LDS having sex before marriage is a severe sin to commit, it can be repented of, as I did. but he isnt worthy to serve a mission because the church believes if you have fathered a child, the child should be your priority, not serving a mission for two years. also he has not fully repented of his sins with me because he told his bishop that we slept together a long time ago and not recently, and these are sins you have to work with A bishop about, and he hasn't finished that process yet. mostly he isnt worthy because he has a child and that's one rule they don't break, but since i won't do a paternity test, and he won't admit to it, they have to go off of his honor so they let him go.... does any of this make sense? Ha I am pretty sure I just rambled
Deleteas LDS having sex before marriage is a severe sin to commit, it can be repented of, as I did. but he isnt worthy to serve a mission because the church believes if you have fathered a child, the child should be your priority, not serving a mission for two years. also he has not fully repented of his sins with me because he told his bishop that we slept together a long time ago and not recently, and these are sins you have to work with A bishop about, and he hasn't finished that process yet. mostly he isnt worthy because he has a child and that's one rule they don't break, but since i won't do a paternity test, and he won't admit to it, they have to go off of his honor so they let him go.... does any of this make sense? Ha I am pretty sure I just rambled
DeleteThat makes a lot more sense. I do see where i guess they might let him go since hes already not making her a priority anyway? I really like that the LDS church is so family based. I'm glad they have accepted your situation and allowed you to stay in the church. I don't get why people think the LDS church is so crazy/scary. I see accepting, non judgmental people. Lol
ReplyDelete