So last night Joe had the guts to text me. I mean honestly its been 19 months almost since we have talked. You would think if I haven't responded to any texts by now that I'm not going to start. The first text said "hey" then the next one said "sorry is this myranda". If he wants to talk he better be a man and come to my door. I'm not doing any communication with him over a text message. My mind had been thinking about it all day long. Every time he texts me my mind starts to reflect on the good times we use to have and how nice it would be a real family. But then I remember how I found out that right after I told him I was pregnant he was telling his ex-girlfriend how he loved her and that I was going to blame him for it. Also was taking a younger girl out parking, and starting something with another girl. Also how I was never happy around him. He always seemed to make me feel like I was so worthless, and no one would ever want me except him. I don't think I could ever trust him again.
How can you trust someone who completely abandoned you at a time you needed them the most. I needed him the day I quit my dance team, the day I gave my team a good bye speech and danced my last dance. He was not there when I had extreme morning sickness and sat over my toilet and just cried. He wasn't there when I started to show and was being made fun of at school. He wasn't there for me ever. I deserved it all but didn't he also? He got me pregnant it's just as much his fault as it was mine. But worst of all he abandoned a sweet innocent baby for no good reason, my baby girl never did anything to him to deserve what he did to her. He wasn't there to hear his child's first heartbeat, find out the gender or there for het birth. He wasn't there when I named her, when I brought her home. He wasn't there when she first rolled over, when she sat up, when she crawled and now he isn't here when she runs over to give me a love. He does not deserve her. He never will. He could have been here but decided his good name was more important than stepping up to the plate and raising his child. My daughter deserves a dad now who isn't her biological dad, but one who loves her as his own, one who takes the time to help her learn, one who will provide for her, one who will step up to the plate the first time.
So now I wonder if the chance ever came up, does he deserve to know his daughter, or has he missed his chance? As for now I think he missed his chance. 19 months is a long time to drive 2 blocks away from his new girlfriends house and meet his daughter, but he hasn't. I think now Nixxon and I will be fine with out him and wait for a real dad to come along. <3
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