Chapter 14-Does he deserve to know his daughter?

So last night Joe had the guts to text me. I mean honestly its been 19 months almost since we have talked. You would think if I haven't responded to any texts by now that I'm not going to start. The first text said "hey" then the next one said "sorry is this myranda". If he wants to talk he better be a man and come to my door. I'm not doing any communication with him over a text message. My mind had been thinking about it all day long. Every time he texts me my mind starts to reflect on the good times we use to have and how nice it would be a real family. But then I remember how I found out that right after I told him I was pregnant he was telling his ex-girlfriend how he loved her and that I was going to blame him for it. Also was taking a younger girl out parking, and starting something with another girl. Also how I was never happy around him. He always seemed to make me feel like I was so worthless, and no one would ever want me except him. I don't think I could ever trust him again.
How can you trust someone who completely abandoned you at a time you needed them the most. I needed him the day I quit my dance team, the day I gave my team a good bye speech and danced my last dance. He was not there when I had extreme morning sickness and sat over my toilet and just cried. He wasn't there when I started to show and was being made fun of at school. He wasn't there for me ever. I deserved it all but didn't he also? He got me pregnant it's just as much his fault as it was mine. But worst of all he abandoned a sweet innocent baby for no good reason, my baby girl never did anything to him to deserve what he did to her.   He wasn't there to hear his child's first heartbeat, find out the gender or there for het birth. He wasn't there when I named her, when I brought her home. He wasn't there when she first rolled over, when she sat up, when she crawled and now he isn't here when she runs over to give me a love. He does not deserve her. He never will. He could have been here but decided his good name was more important than stepping up to the plate and raising his child. My daughter deserves a dad now who isn't her biological dad, but one who loves her as his own, one who takes the time to help her learn, one who will provide for her, one who will step up to the plate the first time.
So now I wonder if the chance ever came up, does he deserve to know his daughter, or has he missed his chance? As for now I think he missed his chance. 19 months is a long time to drive 2 blocks away from his new girlfriends house and meet his daughter, but he hasn't. I think now Nixxon and I will be fine with out him and wait for a real dad to come along. <3

Chapter 13- let's just start a little drama now?

So a few weeks ago we had a little "Tiff" with Joes mom. We had gone to my little sisters volleyball game. We knew joes family would be there so we left Nix with my grandma. After the game we started to leave and I seen joes mom, Ann, start walking towards me so I turned the other way and under my breath said "oh shoot". She then walked to my mom and tapped her shoulder, my mom thought it was me and ignored it so she tapped her again so my mom turned around and see Ann to her dismay.here is how it went down
Ann: so I hear you want to kick me!
My mom: Kick you?
A: ya someone told me that you want to kick me, so here I am here is your chance ( as she is waving her arms around)
Me: uh we were talking about hair extensions actually
M: uh, no we were talking about hair extensions, did you want some?
A: well no
M: k them bug off( and turns back around to tell my sisters we are going now)
Ann then grabs my moms arm and flips her back around.
A: we need to resolve this once and for all
M: resolve what?
A: the baby
Then my sister hops between them and yells stop she is ours not yours!
Ann then grabs my sisters hand and throws it down.
My sis: Don't you ever touch me again!
We then all start heading to the door to leave as Ann is chasing behind us screaming
Then Ann goes off about my due date being off by a month so a must be lying. My conception date was July 4 And my due date was march 26 and if you count 9 months on your fingers then it doesn't come up a month short but put it in online and at a doctors office and its exact. So I told her that then she goes off about how hard it is for joe to come home every weekend from school because everyone always asks about the baby and the church won't let him go on a mission and won't let him do anything because they don't trust him. So I got up close to her face And aid " don't you dare tell me he can't do anything in the church because he got to graduate from seminary and I did not get to because of your son so don't even start with that."
A: well uh everyone keeps saying you keep saying that he(which she keeps referring to Nixxon as a boy) looks just like joe, how would you know what joe looked like as a baby he was a toe head!
Me: it's not what he looked like as a baby it's what he looks like now.
Then goes off about its so hard and if Nixxon is joes then she wants to get to know her and have joe involved.
I got in her face and told her that she missed that boat. She had 18 Months to get involved and that I was going to find Nixxon a real father not one who runs away when it gets rough
She was nooooot happy about that, so then she started talking to my dad and my mom kept trying to talk but Ann kept putting her hand in my moms face and saying this doesn't concern you.
By this point I am LIVID ! First of all she is screaming at my family in a very public place second it is freezing out side third she is yelling at my parents so I got back in her face and told her "don't you dare talk to my parents that way, I am Nixxons mother not them, if you want something you go through me! She was upset and just walked off.
Since then I have been on lock down with Nixxon. No Facebook no Instagram, it's so hard hiding this beautiful little girl from the world. I know I am doing it for the right reasons but its still so hard.