Chapter 32: why I am still a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

I have had a few questions about how I deal with being a young, single mom in a church where the only things worse than sex before marriage is murder, and adultery.
At the beginning of my pregnancy I was so terrified of how my family would react and how I would deal with it. "When life gets too hard to stand kneel" is all I had left to do.I always read my scriptures and prayed every night, because I was terrified of how everything would turn out. I had faith that when I told my parents that what would happen was because of the Lord and was part of his plan for me. My parents took it extremely well and were willing to support me.
My bishop on the other hand, well he really pushed giving my baby up for adoption the whole pregnancy. I understand why the church asks young moms who will not be married to the babies father to give their child up for adoption. Since a single mom can not be sealed to her child without a father and the parents being married, they want the children in a family where that is possible. I would have considered it but while I was praying about what to do with my child. I finished saying my prayers and started to doze off when I had a dream of me and a little girl and a man walking out of the temple in all white. And the look on our faces was the joy you can't get from anywhere else. That was the moment I knew I would find a guy to adopt Nixxon and be sealed to us for time and all eternity. I also knew I had to do whatever I could to make it possible.
I continued to go my seminary class even after I graduated high school and I only took 2 weeks off to have Nixxon. My seminary teacher is a huge reason I have such a strong testimony of the gospel and why I stayed in the church. He always thanked me for being an example and being early everyday and asked me to answer questions only I could because I was a mom. He reassured me that staying active in the gospel is what I needed to do.
My bishop had at one time almost made me quit the church because he made me feel like I couldn't fully repent unless I married Joe and that was no option. Or unless I gave the baby up. I had been kicked out of young womens which you stay in until you are 18, I was kicked out before I was 18, then I was made the object lesson about sexual purity a lot of the time. Then when it came time for seminary graduation I wasn't able to publicity graduate because he felt he needed to protect the image of the church. I was crushed I wanted to graduate but wasnt going to be able to, but Joe was able to. Then I went to talk to my stake president about it, and tell him I was done with the church. But when I went into his office he thanked me for my courage to raise a baby on my own and I was doing the right thing by keeping Joe out of her life. He made me feel like I was wanted in the church.
The Lord Haas blessed me with trials that make me stronger and does whats best for me. The savior was my best friend when no one else was able to be. He calmed my fears when I was crying hysterically in my room for hours. He helped me make the best decisions for Nixxon. And I know he will continue to.There is no way I can deny the feelings I felt while I was praying and going through the repentance process. I know the gospel is true, no doubt about it. Nothing can take that away from me. I have been too blessed to deny it. Even when church leaders handled my situation a little insensitive, I know the church is always true even If the members arnt.