Chapter 26- showing up at my doorstep!?!

Ugh when will Joe just knock it off! Today was a special day. We celebrated the little princesses first birthday. At dinner with my family and bet friend, i got a text from Joe saying "what's up?" I told my family then continued to eat. Then my doorbell rang. My table went silent, we were not expecting anyone for a few more hours. I jumped up and looked out my front window to see who it was, I looked and I seen the same shoes that Joe would wear and the same style of pants. I ran into the kitchen and said " it's him, it's Joe." I sent my sisters into my room with the baby. Then he knocked again. I was scared, shaking, livid at this point. Finally I checked and he was gone.
Later that day I another knock came to the door, my dad checked and seen that it was our home teacher, so we answered. As he walked in I just happened to look at his shoes.... They were the ones I had seen earlier. We asked him if he had been over earlier and he said "ya I just wanted to drop off some cookies" ugh I was so embarrassed. We explained how we thought it was her dad so we didn't answer. He laughed and told us how he had heard us before he rang the doorbell but it got silent. He thought he had offended my family haha. So today we are safe :) a little embarrassed, but hey we got cookies :)

Chapter 25- Missing my love <\3

Alrighty so tonight I had the opportunity to go watch my little sister dance at my high schools drill team showcase. Being on drill team was my life when I was on it. That's all I did all I thought about. I was for sure not the best dancer on the team but my love for dance and the sport was. Since I never finished out my senior year of drill team, every time I watch them dance I cry a little. It was so much harder when my friends were on it, but it's still hard now. I teared up with each " YEAH" that was yelled or whispered, each sharp slap during military that sounded so crisp, then each pirouette that was nailed, each al sicone that was beautiful, each extension that never wobbled. It brought back so many memories and ones I loved. I will never loose my love for dance but now i am just a spectator. Dreaming of seeing my baby out there one day, maybe on the same team I was.
There was also a hard thing for me to watch that made me just angry.... Joes girlfriend Rhonda, she was a senior on the team this year, not only that she was dance sterling scholar, team captain, and that's what I wanted my senior year. I was watching her do and have everything I once wanted, I mean she has Joe and he is all I use to want, and to be able to show my love for Dance to my team and school. Oh well, I have everything I didn't really knew that I wanted. I have my baby girl :) she is all I need and she can't take that from me.
I just hope one day I will get to watch My baby dance her heart out like I use to, then maybe she can be captain . But for now I just will wait to sign her up for dance with my old teacher. I can't wait one more year and she will be dancing. :)

Chapter 24- random memories of my pregnancy

So since I am sick, I just can't sleep so I will blog:) for those of you who faithfully read this I wish I could personally thank each one of you! You make it easier to handle life when it is stressful. So thank you!
I have been thinking of how it  was when I was pregnant and I left some out.
Did I write about the one time i was called a whore to my face at school. If I did skip the paragraph if not read it :)
So one day I was showing a lot. And in high school I showed off my belly. I loved it so whatever I didn't care if it was wrong for me to love my teen pregnancy, but I did. I have never been so happy. But anyway I was waddling my way from seminary to my office assistant class, and this little freshman girl who was very well known for messing around with many many guys, especially on church trips. Well she was starring hardcore at me. I thought to myself heck girl I have eyes to let. E stare back...so I did. As we had a stare down she got close enough to me and said softly "whore". I turned to my friends who were having a conversation and didn't even hear it, and said really! I know everyone is calling me that behind my back but really! They didn't care much and continued to talk. Then I found my little sister, and wooo that girls speaks her mind. I told my sister about it and she was livid. She hunted that girl down and gave her a peice of her mind. Later that day the girl came up to me and apollgiezed, she was almost in tears. I said ya its fine, but when she walked away I laughed. She was one scared little puppy after that.
Well my fingers are kind of tired so I'm going to end this post now, keep reading and thanks for reading!

Chapter 23- when will he give it up!?!

This morning Joe texted me! It's been so nice not hearing from him for a few weeks. All the text said was hey.... Does he really think after 21 texts I'm going to just respond. No he needs to knock it off! I want to change my number but my lawyer has advised me not to, so I can document each text and show how he harasses me but yet doesn't show an interest in his daughter. He is a sick man. I just don't understand.
I was going to start posting pictures my baby again until this happened. This whole thing is getting annoying. I am so tempted to get a restraining order. I also wonder if he saw me Sunday at church. I went to his friends missionary farewell, with my friends and I went with a guy so I wonder if he thinks me and this friend are together. I don't really care why he is texting me but it needs to stop ASAP! Joe get a life! Leave me alone, you didn't want me our your daughter in yours, now we do not want you in ours.

Chapter22- when will anyone understand?

Nixxons dad comes from an abusive alcoholic family. Her dad does not really want her. If we were to get a paternity test it wouldn't be because he changed his mind he is a better man. It would be because he is sick of the small town talk and needs to prove he is worthy to go on a mission. Sorry that's not my problem anymore. He won't take responsibility. I'm not going to make him. He does not need us we don't need him. Just because he took the five minutes to create the life doesn't mean he needs to spend five minutes in her life because its not going to ever help her in her life. I want her to have just one real dad who loves her the moments he meets her.one who doesn't need a blood test to be her dad. Sorry my daughter deserves a real man. Not a little boy.

Chapter 21- Staying strong to keep her safe

Having an instagram and Facebook are awesome right? For me it's super hard to have them. I get to see all my friends and family post pictures of their babies. I don't blame them and wouldn't want them to stop, but I can't show off my baby girl and its so hard. I was showing her pics a while back but after Joes mom and I had our fight I took all her pics off. They were stalking my Facebook! How creepy since I had blocked all of them and friends of theirs. I wish I knew if they were still looking me up and how interested they were in my baby. I wish I could show her off because she really is beautiful, smart , and funny. I wish I could show her off and the videos of her walking and saying mama and doing the dishes, but I can't. To anyone who doesn't know my reasons to hiding my baby I probably look like a horrible selfish mother. Ugh when is this roller coaster going to end? I can only hope soon.

Chapter 20- a week of peace

It's been a great week. I have not heard about Joe at all. I hope he is gone for good. I need this peace. I am a little stresses trying to study to take my cna test soon, plan Nixxons first birthday party, do things in my relieve society calling, working 30 hours a week, and just being a mom. I don't need any joe drama on top of this. It also sounds like he won't be coming home this weekend from college because he has a big track meet. Hallelujah! That means no awkward drive bys when I'm on my way to work and he is driving to his girl friends. I just know summer is coming soon and I'm sure he will has to be home for all of it, LOSER. Or maybe  he will be able to go on a mission and I won't see his sorry face for 2 years or until the guilt gets to him.