Chapter 11:Welcome to the World Baby Girl!

I got into my room and it was a nice room. I had no idea anything that was going to happen other than the fact that I was going to be pushing a baby out of me in the next while. They put a monitor on my stomach, just to make sure this wasn't a false labor. Well, It wasn't, it was legit. They then put an IV into my wrist, like on the side which hurt like a son of a gun! Then we just kinda chilled for a little while. 
My mom and dad had been there from the get go. Then a few hours later my sisters showed up at about 4 am. Then my Grandma showed up at like 5 am. My contractions didn't really hurt that bad, and by about 5 am I had dilated to like a 9 so I was going pretty fast for a first timer.  My contractions got a little worse but I could handle it, they just were so close that I didn't have recovery time between them, but then the nurses came in and said that I was going so fast that if I wanted an epidural that I needed to get it then or I might not have a chance to. This was pretty much the only part of the whole labor that I actually cried. I was petrified of this large needle and tube going into my back. My mom sat with me and calmed me down. My sisters wanted to stay and see, but I knew this would scar them for life if they had to witness that large of a needle into me, so I wouldn't let them. 
When the anesthesiologist came, I did know him and I told him how freaked out I was about this. I think he could see how scared I was because I was still shaking so bad. And those shakes hurt pretty bad they were so violent.  Any who,  he said he would be as gentle as he could and would walk me through the whole thing. He numbed the skin, which wasn't bad at all then suddenly he was done.  I felt the tube go in my back but it didn't hurt at all I was totally shocked.    To me a flu shot hurt worse than an epidural did. 
Right after my epidural, my shaking stopped...well at least on the lower half of me, my arms still shook a little but that helped me to calm down and rest a little. The feeling of not feeling my legs was soooo weird. But I couldn't feel any pain so it was nice. 
The nurses kept coming in and checking me. I was going super fast. By about 7 am I had fully dilated. They said they would call the doctor and get him there. They came back in and said that he would be there within the hour. I waited and umm waited and you know waited a little more. It was like 9 before he got there. He came in and checked me out and was like oh your water hasn't broke we will wait for it to naturally break. So we waited..and waited and it like sorta broke but not very much. Then suddenly I had a lot of pressure and felt like I needed to push, we got the nurses and doctor in there, They said I was super close they just needed to break my water, so they did and it wasn't bad at all. Then they prepped everything and explain how this whole birthing thing was going to go on.
The doctor got going and said oh good we will have this baby here within the hour. I was so excited. But he lied it took almost 2 hours to get my baby here. First off her poor little head kept getting stuck on my pelvic bone and I kept passing out a little so I had to be put on oxygen after each contraction.  The doctor had been with me so long that he decided to take a break and leave for a minute but I kept pushing. The second he walked back into the door he just yelled "STOP!" ha I could feel the baby like 3 seconds away from being here so I was not stoping! He barely made it to the bed just to catch her. He didn't even have time to put his gloves on. 
Before I had time to comprehend that I just gave birth they handed her to me. She looked just as I expected but completely different all at the same time. She was beautiful. I cried the second they put her in my arms. I had never been in so much love. They took her over to check her out and they asked me about her name. I had 3 names on my list Autrie, Hudson, and Nixxon. I knew her name had to be Nixxon when I saw her. She was as unique as her name. 
She was healthy and perfect the only thing wrong was that she weighed a lot more than he had expected.. Nixxon was 6.7 Ibs, 19.75 inches long...which he was positive that she would be just above 5 Ibs and tiny... NOPE my baby was a big baby for my family. All my sisters and myself were tiny. I was 5.6my sister was 5.4 and my youngest was 5.2. Now I am 4'10 and normally like 83 Ibs so that big of a baby for me blew every one away. 
My family loved Nixxon from the start she was defiantly going to be spoiled from the minute they saw her :)

Chapter 10 Someone is on their way :)

It finally got down to that last week of the pregnancy. I was due March 26 2012, and that whole week I thought EVERY little pain was a labor pain. I would start timing every time something small happened just to see if it was a contraction, but it never really was anything.
On March 24 I went to watch my sister play in a softball tourney. Since I live in a very small down, everyone knows everyone, and knows everything about everyone. Everyone kept saying things like aren't you due today? I had to keep telling them nope I have 2 more days... or there was the whole "still no baby?"  I was   honestly about ready so answer someone by saying "oh ya she came last night but I am just playing kangaroo and keeping her in my pouch" I was a little on edge.
Then one of my moms good friends kept teasing me that when your face swells that is when you know the baby is coming.  Just to add to it she kept telling me that my lips looked huge (they did in fact) I thought she would for sure be coming in about a week.
After the games I was able to just go home and rest. The whole rest of the night I felt sick. I was sure is was just from being in the sun all day long, and not drinking enough water. I went to bed about 9 p.m. At about 11:30 p.m. I felt a really weird pain in my hips, and was pretty sure it was just my ligaments being pulled by the way I was sleeping. So I got up and walked around and went to the bathroom. For some odd reason I looked in the toilet before I peed (weird I know ) but I seen a weird looking thing floating and thought Oh my gosh is that my plug, then figured it wasnt then just tried to go back to sleep, but the pain just wouldnt go away. So I thought I better go to a hospital. I walked into my parents room and quietly said "mom, dad" but they never heard me, so I grabbed my moms foot and said mom a little louder. She sat up and asked what was wrong. I told her I was in pain but didnt know if i was in labor or not. My dad shot straight out of bed and kinda panicked a little we started to time the pains and they were about 7 minutes apart so my mom said to hurry and get  cleaned up a little and I was ready to go to the hospital because my contractions were so close together. When she said that  I got soo freaked out that I was shaking so bad I looked like I was having a seizure but it was just because I was probably having a small panic attack.
We live like 3 blocks from the hospital so I got there super quick. We walked into the ER and they asked what was wrong and my mom answered "I think we are going to have a baby" then they put me in  a wheelchair and wheeled me down to room 32 Labor and delivery.  Here it went :)

Chapter 9 the countdown begins!

Since my Baby Girl was due in March I had a few months on my hands just to rest and get ready for this bundle of joy.  I was too pregnant to get a job, so I volunteered at a local kindergarten class, and pretty much sat home all day long. Some days I cleaned the house, or just slept. I mostly slept because being that pregnant sucks the life out of you!

 Soon the weeks started to count down, then the weeks, then the days. Me being super freaked out by needles or pain of any kind the thought of labor put me into tears and a small panic attack. I would watch MTV's show 16 and Pregnant , because ha these were girls I could sorta relate to so I watched it , but when it got to the whole labor part of the show...I started to cry I got so freaked out! I figured that I was such a baby myself how was I going to bring one into this world.  Those last few weeks before I was due I was so panicked. Like two weeks before I was due I went to the doctors and ha I was dilated to a 3...hearing that made this whole thing a reality!

I had always pictured my whole pregnancy with a loving husband by my side the whole time, both of us getting excited about our new baby coming into this world, him calming my fear of all aspects of labor. Instead I had my mom by my side the whole time, which was probably just as good since she had been through having 3 kids. I am so grateful for my mom helping me out through out the whole pregnancy and now we were getting ready for the labor..the end of the pregnancy.

Chapter 8 All done

Wow its been a long time. Life gets crazyy! Anyway after my Sr. Ball, Christmas rolled around. It was nice to be away from school and everyone. I was really starting to show how pregnant I was, and walking around with a basket ball belly is really hard to do when your in a school full of skinny girls, it did not help my already pretty low self esteem. I got a few baby things for Christmas, it got me super excited for the baby to get here.
When I would get back to school  I only had two weeks until I was scheduled to graduate a semester early. I had to take some online classes to get all my credits in on time. It was hard to graduate early, not just because the extra classes, but when I was gone I was pretty much gone. I knew my friends would slowly forget I was around, I would be home all day with nothing to do, and I wasnt ready to just be done. Ya, I was sick of the classes, and the drama, but being done with high school is a big thing and when you dont have more schooling right after to look forward to, it is hard.
Those two weeks flew by. Before I knew it, my teachers were signing me out of their classes, and I was saying good bye. I stalled it out as long as I could. After a few hours of checking out, of classes, I was walking into the office to really check out. I couldnt believe I was going to be done. I gave them my paper and all they said was we will let you know about graduation in a few months. Then all I had to do was walk out the doors. As I walked out of the doors all I could do was start to cry. I cried all the way to my car. I went to go visit my mom at her school and as I was driving there I past a cop car, I had been Career experiencing at the police station, and I LOVED it, so seeing that made me cry even more.
Being done with High school was a good thing and a hard thing to do. I was now a 17 year old High School graduate, with no job, very few friends, and now a whole lot of time to prepare for this little girl soon on her way.

Chapter 7 Things have to end sometime..

December rolled around and it was time for the Sr ball. I could only dream I would be asked to it, but.....I didnt, which is fine I get it, it would be pretty weird going with 6 month pregnant girl. As a class officer I had to help plan it. So no matter what I had to be a small part of it no matter what. During the practices I decided I would just be the one to start and stop the music. I was sitting in the corner all by my self watching all my friends and Joe mess around and have fun. If that wasnt hard enough, I just happen to look up randomly and I see Joe and his friends looking at me, sticking their stomachs out and  making faces at me. I went to the Vice principals office after and tried to talk about it since it was harassment and I had already put up with enough crap from him that this was not even needed or mature on any level, plus I didnt want to go to school anymore it was horrible! I never really felt unwelcome there until that day.
 The vice principal called Joe in the next day and talked to him then talked to me. He said that Joe said he wasnt really doing that, they were making fun of each other and Joe felt really bad for me and I was probably just over emotional and was looking for it more than it was there....I didnt even know what to say. I knew the vice principal took his side because Joe was a X-country star, wrestling star, and a track star, of course he could not put a black mark on his record. After that I felt like not even the school was on my side, or wanted to make me feel welcome. At that point I couldnt wait to get out of there and not have to deal with this immature drama that I really did not need to deal with.
Senior ball day came around...I went to my yoga class, came home, sat around, went to a dinner party with my parents then came home and got ready. Luck for me I could get ready super fast and I actually looked really cute! I had a semiformal dress and my cute little baby bump. I got there and took a few pics with friends and then waited for the floor show to start. As all my friends started to be announced I could help my self but to cry a little. I didnt let anyone see, but it was hard seeing all these skinny girls look like princesses and me lookin like I ate too many donuts that day. The hardest was seeing Joe come out acting like he was Gods gift to man. Once again Im sittin on the side lines with his child as he gets to live out something I had waited for forever.
Then came the parent dance, my dad was nice enough to dance with me. Then the next song started and my ex boyfriend Shaun asked for a dance, he told me I looked beautiful and teased me about my baby bump getting in the way. He had been a great friend the whole time, and this made my night. Then his mom came and gave me a hug and told me I looked beautiful and missed me. It ment so much to me. I took a few more pictures then went home and went to bed.

Chapter 6. Things are starting to look up :)

A while went by and nothing from Joe. It was getting very peaceful. I was really starting to show  by 19 weeks. You could tell I was pregnant by then. Halloween finally came around and that was my first ultrasound which meant I got to find out the sex of my baby!! I was so excited! They told me to drink what was what felt like an ocean of water. I was sitting in class just drinking water all day long. Being pregnant and drinking a ton of water does NOT mix well.. you have to pee a ton anyway and adding water to that is not okay haha. By the time to got to the hospital to have the ultrasound done, my back was hurting so bad. I could not believe the pain I was in. It was the worst pain I have ever been in! They finally got me in to find out. Everything was looking good, but they couldnt get the baby to move because I had so much water in me, lucky for me she let me finally pee! that helped my back pain a little, everything on the baby was looking good, but my pain suddenly got worse. It got to the point where I had to get up and I threw up from it, but that didnt even help the pain. FINALLY she asked if I wanted to know what it was....I had thought forever that it was a boy, then that day I decided it was a girl....and Momma knows best because I was being blessed with a beautiful baby girl! I was so excited. My mom and I started to cry a little :) but it was a good cry. I was excited!

Chapter 5- Turning point

A few hours later Joes Mom and Aunt show up at my house. We assumed she wanted to talk about the meeting earlier that day. Turns out she knew nothing about it and was coming to tell us to stop telling people that it was Joes baby. We discussed things, she accused me of things, and left. We told her the same thing that if Joe didnt want to be involved he didnt have to. She said she would talk to him and get back to us.

Then one night I woke up with excruciating pain in my hip. I was so scared it was a miscarriage I ran right up to my parents and told them. We looked it up on the internet and figured it was probably just a round ligament pain. nothing too serious but we should bring it up at the doctors appointment coming up soon.

In the mean time, I went to my second doctors appointment. I told the nurse about my pain and she said that she would tell the doctor about it and figure out what it was. The Dr. came in and listened to the heart beat, then went to just walk out. I stopped him and asked about the pain. He had no idea what I was talking about. THe freaking nurse never told him. then when I explained it all over again he just looked at me and said " well im not sure what it is." HE was a HUGE help. This doctor then all of the sudden told me to get off any drugs I was on. I could not believe he had said that! He was judging me with out even knowing who I was. Yes I had dark long hair at the time, that day I wore a black T-shirt skinny jeans and my moccasins because I had morning sickness all day long and didnt feel the urge to make my self look too cute. Any way he went on to tell me that while I was pregnant I would feel very sad and depressed and want to try heroine...I was LIVID I Never had tried any kind of drug of any kind and if i was going to start now, I think I would start out with something other than heroine, but I wasnt going to start now any way with a baby inside me. He then went on to tell me that being my doctor he really should not say this but he told me anyway to give the baby up for adoption, because teen moms usually live in poverty the rest of their lives. Oh I was mad I was so sick of people not believing that I could raise a baby. I had the support of my family 100% of the way and had plans for my future. I may have gotten pregnant but that doesnt make me completely irresponsible, I mean come on I wasnt taking the easy way out of this pregnancy by abortion and covering it up. I was  taking responsibility of my actions and trying to take care of it. The way home from the doctors, my mom said maybe it was time to switch clinics. Since they couldn't even help me with my problems and judged me without even knowing my story. I was happy to! I was already being judged by everyone, I didnt need it from someone who should be helping me.

A few more weeks went on and guess what...NO word from joe. I finally texted him and said "whats your plan, are you in or out, I need to know so I cant get things figured out" He texted me back and told me to stop harassing him, and to leave him alone that we both knew it wasn't his baby and i was such a liar, oh and that he was going to get a restraining order against me because I wouldnt leave him alone... I was like WHAT THE HECK ! I had every right to be on his case about this, and I wasn't crazy I knew what was going on. He told  him to meet him at the school parking lot then and we would discuss it. So I went up and instead of coming to me, he had me come to his truck, in the heat and stand outside, when Im the one who is pregnant and ALWAYS sick. He just yelled at me in front of a few people who were still at school. I was so embarrassed. I couldn't believe the things he said. He told me to get out of his life, even if it was his baby he didnt want it because it would mess up his future and his name. Thats when it really hit me, that my fairy-tale wasn't coming true, he wasn't coming around, and I was going to be raising our child alone while he lived out his dreams. I finally just told him that he would be hearing from my lawyer and walked back to my car, let him drive away and I just lost it. I dont think I have ever cried so hard in my whole life. This was a complete turning point for me. And I am so glad I realize that now.